Loud ppl

I have lots of pet peeves. I cannot take it when there are slow drivers in front of me (when they drive like they're cruising on the road like it's some Sunday evening), too much wasabi (that's when there's this very pungent strong sensation at the back of your medulla oblongata), a person who has really bad breath (ewwww) and many other things.

However, another 2 things that I cannot take are when:

(A) a person is loud. And when I say loud, it means that whenever this person talks, you can hear him/her (although you're trying very very hard to focus on whatever it is that you're doing). Loud also means that whenever this person talks, you just feel like taking whatever it is that you're wearing on your feet (the smellier, the better) and throwing it at his/her face.

(B) when this loud person cannot speak English. Seriously man, all you can hear is "ching chong chang zing yo mo ma" (FYI- I understand and can speak the Chinese Language just fine. So, don't tell me that I'm being inconsiderate when I'm being the exact opposite).

So, let me take you back to 2 mornings ago. I woke up 30 min earlier than usual cuz I had some office work to do. So ok fine, I took the earlier train, hoping and praying and knowing pretty well that the crowd that takes the early train are usually "quiet" (cuz they would be just like me, waking up early and "redeeming" the lost sleep by napping in the train).

There I was, napping peacefully until the train stopped at BTS station.

Came in this Chinese lady and her bf/husband/companian/soulmate/better-half. When she started talking, all hell just broke loose.

Woman: ni ching chong chang ching song mo ma (FYI- I'm just making up all these words cuz I couldn't be bothered to be listening to her talk)

After 2 seconds....

Woman: mo so dang ding diu ler li la ma nong..........

After 2 seconds.........

Woman: leh li loh yu tha hue het fong fang fing fong

OH EM GEE!!!!

I really beh tahan (that's what Hokkiens say when they can't take it anymore). When I opened my eyes to see the face of the person that was making all the ruckus, I saw her. Standing 1 metre away from me, leaning against the railing, hands on her luggage handle, arms holding on to some fur coat (poor animals) and big hair, heavy makeup and no English (and obviously no courtesy as well).

Everyone was already awake by then. Obviously, they looked irritated and annoyed cuz someone stole away their napping time. Seriously, for workslaves like us, SLEEP is a very important word and activity. So important til we sometimes put sleep as our hobby and interests. Talk about being deprived.

Anyway, back to this woman. She kept talking and talking and talking as though there was no tomorrow (speaking of which, I need to go and watch 2012). Her bf just nodded and mumbled a few words, while sheepishly looking at the irritated passengers (me!) and offering an apologetic smile.

Finally, after 15 minutes of torture (trust me, 15 minutes is a LONG time), we arrived at KL Sentral. Peace and quiet at last.

As she was walking out of the train, I noticed her boots. Guess what made me laugh?

Around the boots, there were words plastered around. And they said, "NIU BAO".

Indeed, Made in China.

I would have loved to take a picture to prove my point and also to make your day, but unfortunately my phone makes that awful loud noise that goes "ching!!" whenever you snap a picture. I on the other hand, do not want to make her perasan (flatter) by thinking that I admire her boots.

OH EM GEE!!!

How inconsiderate :(

OK so yesterday was Deepavali. And I came to realise that Indians too play with firecrackers on Deepavali.


Starting from 7pm yesterday, "noise" (as I would like to term it) started polluting the air.
Noise continues at 730pm.
More noise at 8pm.
Noise.
Noise.
All the way up to friking midnight.

All the friking firecrackers just somehow miraculously landed right behind my house. Everytime they went off, I had a near heart attack. Seriously damn loud.

Even when I was watching TV in the living room, the noise somehow managed to follow me right in front of my car porch. Damn buggers.

I had to turn up the TV volume so loud that it sounded like a surround sound system in the cinema. Even that I couldn't hear Josh Duhamel talk. It was just bits and pieces. Plus, the episode was damn "kancheong" (exciting/nail-biting kind) cuz Delilah was kidnapped. Anyway, for those of you who watch Las Vegas, you would know exactly what I'm referring to.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. I was so pissed off cuz I couldn't watch my Josh. My parents were also damn annoyed cuz they couldn't sleep. So, in the end, all of us just stormed into the living room with very pissed off looks on our faces. Like it was any of our fault.

Me: Why the hell are they playing firecrackers at this time of the hour?
Mum: How would I know?
Me: Can't we report to the police or sth? Let the police catch and fine those idiots.
Mum: Yea sure, by the time the police come, these buggers would be at home sleeping already.
Me: Oh yea. *burst out laughing cuz I know EXACTLY what my mum was talking abt*

The Maxis Broadband epic story

OK, I have nothing against Maxis broadband, but I just wanna talk abt it. Merely because they continue to evoke all sorts of emotions in me. The last emotion that they evoked was of anger and frustration. This time around, I must say, it's rather a pleasant one. I must say, I'm pretty surprised at the letter I got yesterday.

Here goes:

Dear Maxis Broadband User,

Thank you for choosing Maxis broadband (yea, like I have a choice).

Congratulations! (oh boy, what now?) We are excited to inform you that we have upgraded your ADSL service (OK, what's the catch?). This is part of our initiative to serve our customers better by providing a smoother and stable internet connection while using our Maxis Wired Broadband (ADSL) service (See? A few angry phone calls DO work after all, only a couple months too late).

This package upgrade allows you to enjoy a better surfing experience at no extra charge to your current package price (Yea, if you're planning to charge me for the "so-called-upgrade", you are gonna get a real whopping in the ass).

The end.

Stupid hairdresser

OK, I was finishing up my Sunday classes. So, usually, I would go to the saloon afterwards for a hair pampering session. It's a ritual thing. You girls would understand, you guys won't.

So, I jumped into the car and drove straight to my favourite hairdresser (for washing and blow-drying, the other fave one for rebonding and perming is in Johor, but that's a whole diff story). There I was, excited as usual (despite this being a weekly thing) driving to Sim's saloon (yea, that's her name). To my dismay (after the 10 minute drive), when I reached, her saloon was closed.

I was truly disappointed cuz I never (I mean, NEVER) go to other saloons in this town. There are like about 10-15 saloons here. So, my mum, being the adventurous one (I'm pretty sure she has frequented almost all the saloons here), suggested that I go for this new saloon which just opened recently.

OK, I decided to go for it. After all, wth eh? It's just a hair wash. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Mum told me where it was, so I drove there.

From the outside, the saloon looked like one of those dodgy little property sales office. Kinda hard to describe for those who have never been to a sales office. When I entered, the pungent smell of cigarettes just attacked my nostrils. God! Felt like suffocating. Was trying very hard not to wiggle my nose in disgust.

Never mind that. I forgave her. No customer was there. So, guess what she was doing?

She was playing mah-jong. Typical auntie-ish-saloon fave past time. Her back was facing mine while she was playing with 2 other dodgy-looking uncles. Come to think of it now, dodgy sounds like an understatement. *shivers*

I greeted her, telling her that I needed a hair wash. *Get your mahjong butt over here asap*

She gave me the "eh-whatever shoulder shrug". Fine, I forgave her for the 2nd time. I sat down and she continued with her mahjong game. I waited. 5 minutes. Waited. 10 minutes. Waited. 15 minutes. She finished like 3 rounds before attending to me.

At that point in time, I really wanted to slap her friking face. But I was patient. So she came to me and started washing my hair. Remember the 2 dodgy-looking uncles? They were staring at us (i.e. me trying to get my hair washed and her washing my hair). OMG. Dodginess to the max. They could have gone outside for a smoke or to the kopitiam next door for some coffee. But no. They wanted to look. FML.

OK fine. So, after shampooing, you would obviously need to rinse off the shampoo. So I walked up from my seat and went to that place where you would need to lie horizontally and your head would be in a sink. You can imagine it, right? OMG, the uncles were staring at that too! Major FML.

I felt totally uncomfortable and uneasy. Just imagine how you would have felt. Urghhh!

Fine, washing was done. Time for blow drying and doing the curls (by adding styling gel for curls). I took out my styling gel from my bag (yea, I bring my own stuff cuz I don't trust their products. I am that paranoid) and gave it to her. So, she applied some generous amount on her palm and began to run the gel through my curls.

Then, she asked this superbly dumb-ass question.
"Eh, this one is styling gel meh? How come it's like hair serum?"

I was totally speechless. Sim was using that same styling gel for the past few times on my curls. So I replied her, "Yea la, it IS styling gel. Look what it says on the bottle" (She obviously didn't know how to read cuz I had to speak to her in Mandarin. I was kind enough to translate the above dialogue into English).

She looked skeptical. I told her to just apply the damn thing and shut the hell up (OK, I skipped the latter part).

After applying, obviously you would need to blow dry the hair again so that the gel would absorb into the hair and harden the curls. As she was doing that, she said (in Mandarin), "Wah, this gel very good ah"

Stupid hairdresser 0 vs Styvee 1.

I swear to God I will never ever ever ever go to that saloon again.

Do I look like an alien?

I hate people who stare. It not only pisses me off. It annoys the hell out of me. I will be like, "Excuse me *explitive*, wtf are you staring at? Do I owe you money or sth? Did I run over your dog?"

There are 2 categories of people who are starers:
1. Perverts in trains who sit opposite you and stare at you (God knows which part)
- It's just sad you know. I feel bad for them, because either they're not gettin' any or their still dissatisfied after gettin' some. And the worst part is, they have no shame! They stare at you, you give them the "wtf look", they continue staring. God!

2. Sorta educated people (mostly females) who usually cling onto their bfs and whisper stuff while staring at you.
- Seriously, what's wrong with these ppl? It's not like I have piercings on my eyeballs or tattoos on my lips. I'm normal. Like every other Malaysian out there (sadly). You know what I would do the next time? When they stare at me, I would quickly take out my phone and video tape them or better yet, take a photo (with flash). Let them have a taste of their own medicine. So, it's best to to sit or stand around singles (male/females) who have sth of more interest in their hands (like a novel, Ipod, newspaper).

Stupid Call Center ppl

Argh. Maxis Broadband is at it again! Stupid DSL light keeps blinking. Ever since I installed this damn modem like 6-8 months ago, it has been giving me problems, day in day out. I can safely that I am the person that appears the most number of times in their call logs.

Thank God the 1800 is toll-free. Otherwise, I would have really kicked their asses. Just imagine, you give me a bloody unstable connection, and you still wanna charge me for that?!?! I somehow feel like there's a conspiracy behind this whole thing. Every Thursday, whenever I wanna logon to the Internet, it always doesn't seem to work. Perhaps the modem has bad karma with Thursdays. I really don't know and I don't have the time to unravel the mystery yet.

But anyway, here's a brief encounter with the supposedly-helpful "Consultant" (how dare they name themselves like those ppl who work at Accenture!!).

Guy at the end of the line: Hello, welcometoMaxisBroadbandhowmayIhelpyou? (Seriously, that's the speed that they always talk in. He mentioned his name somewhere in that gibberish, but I didn't catch it and PLUS, I was too pissed off to be asking for his name)

Me: (rolling my eyes) Good evening (yea, I know. Sadly, I was still up chatting with some guy who can't enunciate English words properly at 1040pm). My DSL light is blinking (after the 100th time, I just couldn't be bothered to introduce myself or give him my BB account number).

Guy at the end of the line: OK, no problem. May I hef (yup, that's how he pronounced it) your name?

Me: My name is........ (I knew he would definitely screw up my name so I just told him my IC number so that he can check my authenticity). My IC number is **********68.

Guy at the end of the line: OK, Ms Tan (see?! point proven). I repeat again (don't ppl know that this is an overly-used incorrect phrase?!?) your IC number is **********68.

Me: (Can you pls hurry your damn ass up?). Yes correct.

Guy at the end of the line: Can I pls have your address?

Me: (*gritting my teeth while telling my address*) .......................................

Guy at the end of the line: No problem (what an appropriate response) OK, so your DSL light is blinking yea? (yea, that's what I said, you fool)

Me: Can you pls help me check what the problem seems to be? (here we go) Ever since I installed the modem a few months ago, it has been giving me problems. Sometimes, it's stable, sometimes it's not. Everytime I disconnect and reconnect, it doesn't seem to work. You know, I'm so afraid to disconnect because I might not be able to reconnect again (the guy was probably nodding his head in sympathetic confusion).

Guy at the end of the line: OK, no problem (seriously, what's wrong with this dude?). Let me check your connection yea. Give me a minute

(puts me on hold while polluting my ears with the same damn Maxis Broadband ad. Did I mention that I was put on hold for like 5 minutes? Seriously, it's just a modem, not E=MC2)

Guy at the end of the line: OK, I have checked in the system. Your DSL light is blinking yea (that's what I said, you imbecile!). I will escalate this issue to the 2nd level (wow, would that be Obama?) and they will reset the port for you. So, what you do is, switch off the modem now and wait for 1 hour. After 1 hour (that would be 1140pm), pls try and switch on the modem again. If the problem still persist, pls call us back because the Technical Department close at 12am (gee, why didn't I think of that?)

Me: OK, fine. But I'm telling you. I have done this before and it didn't work. What if it still doesn't work? Will you send a technician over? Cuz I need to use the Internet tomorrow morning.

Guy at the end of the line: No problem (can someone pls send this guy for English class?). You can call us and we will make the appointment with the technician.

Me: OK fine, thanksgoodbye (couldn't wait to hang up)


When I hung up, he was probably still reciting from his cue card "Thank you for calling Maxis Broadband. Is there anything else that I can do for you?"

And, as expected, when I checked again at 1140pm, the DSL light was still blinking. I should have just slept at 1040pm. When I called again, no one picked up.